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Nitty Picker and the Sorcerer’s Stone – Ch. 9

We return now to Hogwarts and the Flying Circus. i imagine that flying on a broom would be like riding a bicycle or a unicycle and that you would work your way up to riding a broom, but not at Hogwarts! They throw their toddlers into the deep end and let ’em sink or swim.

I may be too nit picky, but for the life of my I can’t understand why the first thing you would teach in flying lessons is to shout “UP!” at your broomstick to make it go into your hand. Was is really too difficult for the ‘ickle firsties to bend owver and pick up the bwoom?

Also, I don’t understand how a magical broom can malfunction. Malfunctioning is for things that rely on hard science to do things. Brooms don’t care about gravity, so why are these old brooms flying slightly to the left or vibrating when they go to high? An airplane might vibrate if it goes to high or too fast, but that’s because airplanes care about air resistance. Cars may drive slightly to the left, but that’s a problem with steering and alignment. Brooms don’t have alignments!

You all know this part, the kids yell “UP!” and Harry’s broom obeys him. His is one of the few that do, because…..his broom graduated from obedience school? This is the only time anyone ever does this, so learning this trick is *entirely pointless*.

Harry thinks that brooms are like horses and they can tell when you are afraid. Ok, I offer this in reply: BROOMS DON’T HAVE BRAINS!!!!

Then Madam Hooch corrects Malfoy’s grip on the broom and told him he’d been doing it wrong for years. O ho ho! 10 o’clock and two o’clock, boys and girls!

I love Madam Hooch’s teaching method. Teach them to kick off from the ground and fly, but don’t teach them how to come back down. If only they did that for pilots- no trainer in the copilot’s seat, no simulators, just take off and you’ll figure it out.

I’m skipping through this chapter because it was really good. I’ll point out that Malfoy challenges Harry to a duel even though neither of them can do any magic. (So far only Hermione has been able to make a match go all silver and pointy) So what are they thinking of doing? See who can get more emotional and make glass disappear?

Hermione and Ron chemistry!!!: “You! Go back to bed!” said Ron furiously. Awwww isn’t that just love at first conversation? And when she gets locked out of the tower, Ron says: “That’s your problem.” Ron Weasley, Ladies’ Man.

Then they meet Neville outside the common room. Neville says Madam Pomfrey mended his arm in about a minute. I’ll give Madam Pomfrey the benefit of the doubt, but Neville is stupid. He breaks his arm, Harry has a flying fight with Malfoy, gets caught by McGonagall, taken to Quirrell’s class, meets Wood, told he’s the new Seeker, goes to dinner, gets challenged to a duel, goes to the common room, gets ready for bed, waits for everyone to retire to their dormitories, then sneaks back out…. all in one minute? Really, Neville? What were you doing the rest of the time?

Hermione and Rom chemistry!!!: Ron threatens her and Neville: “If either of you get us caught, I’ll never rest until I’ve learned the Curse of the Bogies Quirrell told us about, and use it on you.”

Peeves catches them and…blocks their path? I don’t really know, but Ron tells the ghost to get out of their way and takes a swipe at him. So the thing that has no corporeal form is blocking your way Ron? Is it common for you to smack your head against the air? Neville may not have a concept of time, but at least he has a concept of matter.

This book is great, and it’s only getting better. Ron’s proved himself a moron and Hermione has definitely charmed him with her feminine wiles. Match made in Hogwarts if you ask me! Ship them! Ship them now, before it becomes canon!!!

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